You have gotten better at resisting bagels (42).
The bagels smell delicious, but my will power has overcome their lures.
---
Now for something that only really me, my wife, and one or two other people know... I'm getting divorced. I have not made this public knowledge yet, and I probably will not for the time being. It is a big step for me to say it though I believe. We have been talking about getting divorced for over a year now, and yesterday, we finally started laying out the details of how it will work. This is the first relationship I have ever had which looks like it will end amicably. My wifes a person too, and she doesn't deserve to be screwed over by the end of a longterm relationship. She's promised not to screw me over as well, so I'm happy with what we've worked out.
Basically, she'll take custody of the kids, and if we do any sort of childsupport, it will be under the table. Well kid really, only one is mine. This state likes to screw fathers over, so this is an important agreement for us to have. We'll sell the house - its appreciated enough to give me enough us both enough money to live a year without any sort of employment if necessary. We'll go our seperate ways.
I'm through playing the blame game about whose fault the relationship was, because really, whenever two people get together, one cannot be totally at fault. You both have free will, and if you choose to remain trapped, well its just that, a choice. It wasn't feasible for me financially to leave... I cannot in good concience abandon two children and their mother without work, without a place to live, etc... So thats why we came up with the agreement we did. She will finish out her schooling (she wants to be a mortician) and find a job, not necessarily in this state. It might even be necessary for her to leave to go to school. Good medical colleges aren't always local. My own goals... well lets just say longterm they don't involve Florida.
The timeframe is somewhat flexible for this split.. but I think having it out in the open will allow us to become friends again. Theres no longer any expectations from one another. Thats the best way to be I've learned.
So what went wrong? Well, its what I spent all last night thinking about... I think all of my reflection paid off, because I feel like I can answer this question. However, instead of answering it in a past tense, I'll simply answer the question "What would I do if I had to do it again?"
First of all, I wouldn't get involved with somebody so young. My wife was only 19 when I met her (I was 24), and well, she had a lot to learn about the world, and still does. I'd want someone who has their own income, or at least the ability to earn one. I'm through supporting people - it takes them too long to get up on their feet. I'd keep seperate bank accounts. We'd have three. We'd each have a personal one, and a joint one to pay bills. Money is the root of many relationship problems, if one person makes more they often feel they have the run of the house... I think this would prevent situations like that.
I'd throw all the roles out the window. Husband and wife are terms that are best left in the 40s. Its always depicted a sort of master and servant role where the wife is expected to be subservient to the husband. Even my marriage detoriated into this - out of necessity perhaps because she didn't work. Women are not for scrubbing dishes, cooking food, and doing laundry. You can get a maid if you expect women to do this for you :p. Having a woman subserviant to you also makes them resent you, not at first, but eventually they will. If they get a little busy and your socks do not get cleaned, well, thats an argument waiting to happen. If you are responsible for your own stuff, then thats an argument avoided.
We'd be friends first, and lovers later. This is one of the things I actually did right this past time. As our romantic relationship deteriorated, we always had this, and even though we hated each other at times, I don't think we'd ever do each other any harm.
Well, saying all of this has certainly taken a load off of my chest. So I go off into the future, with as little expectation as possible, knowing that the future is mine alone to shape.
posted by Corporate Prisoner @ 6:10 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home